Rule 9

I was flipping through my Facebook page and I came across this link. I read it and I realized, yet again, that I need to stop taking everything so seriously. I have a sense of humor, and it's difficult for me to be offended, but at the same time, there is no middle ground. I'm horribly conscious of the effects of decisions. That being said, I do need to just enjoy life. But I can't quite do that until I've got some stability. So, in the meantime, we're going to have brief surges of what I call irresponsibility and what normal people call enjoyment or fun. Foreign concept, I know. But I have been working on it. It's the problem with being me. I'm not really understood. And that is okay. As much as part of me wants to be understood, there's another part of me that thrives on existing outside of understanding. And I tend to follow that one more. The need to stand out, apart, in the world but not of it. You know? Oh well. Here's the link.

Rules for Students and Teachers

Which, technically, we should never stop learning and teaching. So that applies to everyone.

The Potentials of Us All

The worth of a person lies not in their achievements, but in their potentials. We forget, sometimes, as human beings that very basic fundamental. The question we must all ask ourselves, when criticizing another, is not what can't they do but rather what can they do. The shy dreamers, typically the idealists, dream of a world that is happier, kinder, and more suitable for having dreams. Yet they lack the confidence to make the world their world. The proud extroverts, those who gleam in the spotlight with confidence and frequently do not understand their more soft-spoken cousins, are as much a drive for change as any other individual. Change, therefore, does not need to be an eternal change. Even a brief change can suffice as that proves the change could potentially be permanent.
Potential. The word that terrifies and thrills. We know not what our own potential is until we have achieved it. Others may see our potential when we cannot. We may not have the faith in ourselves and the universe to believe them. Steady or flighty, proud or humble, meek or mighty, rich or poor, we all have the potential to be true to ourselves, our desires, and our minds despite the criticisms of others. Don't be afraid of being misunderstood. History's most misunderstood individuals have tendencies to be incredibly well known and loved (see Vincent Van Gogh for an example). Let go of fear of judgement, no matter how painful or difficult it is. Be yourself.
And that, friends, can be the most remarkable and important changes anyone can make. Because once that change is made, there is not limit, for good or ill, on the actions that could be made. And an infinity is far greater than a defined story. An infinity is too much to be stopped. Believe with me. Even when we are torn apart, our feelings can unite us. And an idea cannot be killed.

Hey, Soul Sister! part 1

...In natural tendencies with my personality traits (including friendly but reserved, accepting but dismissive, and open but defensive), I'm finding myself starting to get stressed out. I don't have access to my best friend and I probably won't until she gets back from her mission. Not having that needed support (many friends but very few close ones) in a new place with stressors that normally I wouldn't have too much of a problem with if I had access to Anayetzy, it's beginning to unsettle my spirit. Anayetzy is my soul sister, the other part of me, and it's been this way for both of us since 6th grade. We may look nothing alike, but even our seminary teacher commented how rare it was to see one without the other and how we were basically twins. For someone who grew up without close siblings (age, proximity, you name it), she was what I desperately needed at a time when I couldn't have hated the world more and I did the same for her a few years later.

Like I said. I don't have access anymore. Different states and she's preparing to go on a mission. Which means that I need someone to mend the part of me that is broken without her. So with all the people that I'm meeting, I'm running them through my tests, seeing who is a potential and who would work as is. I met one person last night who on initial communications I thought could have been a decent plaster until I could get my girl back. By the end of communications, no. She wouldn't work. My roommate won't work because it's bad to be best friends with your roommate. I need someone to at least partially patch up that hole. I don't want someone to replace my best friend. I'd never forgive myself if I did. I just need someone to keep me from falling apart. And yeah, I know that this still early days...But I know what I turn into when I don't have the supports I need. And I really don't want that. It's selfish, I know. But when I move to LA, I'm going to need her to come with me and rent an apartment with me. She is and has been my rock since I met her. And then once I get settled and start doing my acting thing, we both want to move to London. We've already discussed it and have started planning that. And I can't ask her to forgo her mission. That's something she needs to do, just like I need to be here.

So, at this point I'm praying that I meet the person that will keep me together long enough for Anayetzy to come back. Because I need my best friend. I'm willing to do without her because I'm ridiculously self-sacrificing and I'll never tell her how much I need her with me. Because she's like me. Ridiculously self-sacrificing, especially for the people we love. So when she gets back, she'd better be ready for big Brooke hug and lots of crying.
So, yeah. I'm feeling lonely. But I'll survive. Except I don't want to survive because surviving with me turns me meaner than a rattle snake and that is not an okay thing for me to be right now.

Who wouldn't want to be me?

I've moved into my dorm room. This morning while going on my run, I met my RA, who is from the same state I am, and I found out we don't have a curfew in the dorms (that is a lot more exciting than it sounds, trust me). My roommate is awesome. I don't have to hike up a mountain on Saturday. The new season of Doctor Who has started. I get to see my dad, who I haven't seen in three months. I got to go to a new city and ate at a fabulous Mexican restaurant. I get to go to the fair on Monday (haven't gone in years because of tennis). AND the absolute icing on the cake is my big brother is getting married tomorrow.

I don't want to jinx anything, but life's going good for me right now. And I have time to focus on studying theatre techniques.

I'm excited to be in college. The world has so many possibilities all of a sudden. If you can dream it, you can do it. We're all human and we all naturally have things we want. Please don't give up on your dreams, no matter how impossible they seem. Be the eternal optimist and have faith that it will work out as you continue to work on what you want.

Toyota Yaris L 5-dr 2014

College is figuratively staring me in the face at this point, even though it's more in-your-face to ALL OF MY FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY ALL START A WEEK BEFORE I DO. Ahem. And I want to talk about cars. A Top Gear thing is premiering Monday (very excited for that) and so I've been trying to watch some of that on top of trying to watch Doctor Who. Let's just say that that's been very... complicated. Anywho, I love hatchbacks. Big, small, in between (I'm looking at you, crossovers). I just think they are the most adorable things ever. I know that part of that is my experience with my aunt's SUV. I have some good memories of that car, along with some...not so good ones. I actually would much like to get either a Hyundai Tucson or Santa Fe. Thinking maybe the Santa Fe because it's bigger. Or the Santa Fe SE, which is bigger than the Tucson and smaller than the Santa Fe.
But as you can see, that car (and I love that color on cars) shown above is not a Santa Fe. It's not even a Hyundai. That, friends, is a Toyota Yaris. And the reason why I want to talk about this rather plain, ordinary car is because I'm going to college. See, I'm going to be inheriting my grandpa's red Geo Metro. I love that little bugger. I really do. It reminds me of an old race horse. It does what you want it to, it just takes longer to do it and it can't go as fast as it used to. But it does try to please. The only problem with it is it doesn't like to go above 65 mph. Well, I say doesn't like to. I amend that statement to can't really go above 65 mph and can't maintain that speed for longer than about an hour. So as much as I love the Metro, I'm going to have to eventually obtain something that can go freeway speeds so that it doesn't take me two days to go down to LA when my life takes me there.
Now, I'm going to bring up Top Gear briefly. The blokes on the BBC version (the good one) maintain that the Yaris is the car you want for a small, compact car. Good car, great mpg's, and fairly cheap. Perfect for a college student, yes? Have some stats. The 2014 Yaris has 37 highway mpg. It's got a GRAND total of..! 106 horsepower. Compared to some of the stuff I've posted up here, that seems almost laughable. To add to the laughing comparison, it's got a buzzy 1.5, straight 4 engine. That one up there is the 5-door L edition. Which means it's an automatic (and also apparently dated). The 3-door L has manual transmission, which is apparently better than the automatic. I'm totally cool with that anyway because I like stick shifts better than automatics. And all the reviews say that the manual is far better than the automatic. Which means that to get the good one, you're stuck with the 3-door or the most expensive 5-door. The SE gives better handling and stuff so you'd probably want to go with that one anyway. It's still under $20,000.
So, yeah. That's the car I'm looking at for my upgrade when I start travelling. You can get cheap used ones of previous years. You just have to know how to look.

Reason and Feeling

Anger burns, bright and dark, red as the fires of passion. It joins with love and lust in the primal feelings. We spend so much time distancing ourselves from emotion and ourselves yet despite our enlightenment, we still have them. They are as much a part of us as the softer tenderer side of the spectrum and the darker, destructive side. We do not find ourselves by hiding. We must live to find ourselves. Mistakes must be made and all those raw emotions that we have been programmed by society to fear must be felt. We may be capable of thought and reason, but so too are we capable of intuition and things which cannot be explained.
Feel the emotions you fear. Know the mind you have.

"I choose not to think of my life as surviving, but coping."/ "Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you."

Another death in the family in less than six months. This one, unlike the other, was unexpected and the police is treating it as a suspicious death. So we won't know anything for a while. I'm...I'm not good at expressing grief. So, there you have it. That'll be pretty much that until the funeral, whenever that happens.

Ummm, yeah. Oh, so you know how Series 8 of Doctor Who is happening in less than two weeks. Or you possibly don't That's a thing that's happening that I'm very excited for and because of it, I've been watching a lot of interviews and stuff with the actors. There's just something about interacting with people, complete strangers, who enjoy your work. I don't feel the same fascination with athletes or politicians. Politicians because I don't believe what comes out of their mouths and athletes because... I don't know. I was going to pursue a career in tennis, you know. But I decided to put my focus on school instead and I'm glad I did because I'm getting to go to the school of my dreams. Is it wrong of me to want to be in a position where I'll have people know my name, even if I don't know them? If I ever become well-known, and I do hope I do, I want to be one of the actors that is constantly interacting with fans and people. I don't want to be one of those that you only ever see on screen and is a hermit otherwise. I don't want to be one of those people that you see just going to work and then hiding at home anyway. As introverted as part of me is, I want to interact with people, random people. I'll never say that I'm not proud with a bit of a vain little peacock, just enough to enjoy the spotlight sometimes, but not enough to be a drama queen. Tennis matches, I thrive under the attention, even when it's negative. I have no problems with public speaking. When I was on stage with Barry Manilow performing in his show with part of my choir, the added challenge of having that large of an audience just made me enjoy myself more.
But I don't like receiving recognition for what I do. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm a big fan of working on it, performing (whether it be in sports, music, or whatever) and then finding a new project. If I get recognition, I want it done quietly with minimal fuss. No big fanfare unless you want me embarrassed and clammed up emotionally. I get nervous and defensive when I get scolded, reprimanded or critiqued in front of others. I'll do my absolute best to try to fix whatever was wrong (unless you go about it the wrong way, which is pretty difficult), but privately and then I'll show the new/refined skill once I've got it down well enough to have a touch of adrenaline to keep me on my toes. I don't like making mistakes, which is why I have a tendency to put exorbitant amounts of time into something until I've got it at a level where I don't make mistakes often. But that practicing will be alone or with very few people.
So I get to straddle the world between introvert and extrovert, living in the grey area when I would much prefer to be on one side or the other even though I exist easily in both.
Actually, I think I'm going to be done now. I don't want this post to just become a verbal vomit of...I'm not even sure. I think I just needed to get this off my chest. And I just ranted extensively about X-Men: Days of Future Past at one of my friends. I don't think most people realize how strongly I feel about movies and TV shows. They're my only true obsession, books come a close second because I like seeing to imagine. I can do it almost as easily with literature but...
Wow, no seriously. I'm going to stop.