My Farewell

You have no idea what I go through, watching you destroy your life. You say it's my fault. That I let you down. Well, news for you, I've stuck with you. I've bloody defended you and you have the nerve to say that? When I'm trying to keep you from ruining what little bit of a life you have left?

That's real gratitude right there, ladies and gentlemen. And believe me. I intend on returning it.
Because, sure, I wasn't always the nicest. But I never shunned you from my life, like so many other people did! You gave me reason, time and time again, to abandon you, but I never did. I never did, because I believed in you! Well, congratulations. I'm cured. I'm really cured. If you're going to treat me the way you do, without understanding how hard it is to stay positive when you're doing the things you're doing, you don't deserve me in your life. Because I won't shy away from telling you what you're doing wrong. Because I know in my heart and in my head that what you are doing is wrong, so so wrong.

We stare from across a line, you and I, on seperate sides, each wanting the other to join the other on their side. I can't do that and maintain my self-worth and dignity. And you won't because you're scared and hurt and angry.  Of what, I don't know. But what I do know is that you are so much stronger than this. I promise you.

Uncertainty

...I think I made a mistake...
Did I?
You'll never see this, so what do I care?
Everything.
Nothing.
I don't know.
Right now, I don't know what my reasons were. I just know they weren't the right ones. Can you blame me though? Let me answer my own question.
Yes.
Something...just does not feel right about it...I can't put my finger on it...

Normally, I can pride myself on making good decisions, and if I make a mistake, to correct that mistake and move on. This time, I'd be hurting other people, besides myself if I do this, this that my heart tells me to do. Am I just rationalizing my fears? Perhaps. Yet, when I sit here and think about the decision I made, my heart tells me it was wrong. I rely on my instincts. I always have.

Sitting here, thinking back over the happenings of today, I realize that I made the wrong decision. And now I have to fix it. Just...not now. I will wait to make sure.

Bone-Shaking Grief

I have lived in my safe little world long enough. It's time for me to shake the gossamer of childhood from my eyes and use whatever influence I possess to keep those I care about from completely ruining their lives. No one will ever know how much I would love to keep them from experiencing heartache, sadness, sickness. But that is not in my power. Do you realize what it does to me, to see you screw your life up? I didn't think so.

Fear

There is nothing more debilitating than fear. It cripples our wings and turns our fins to stone. We become paralyzed. Falling. Always falling. Until we somehow find the strength to halt our plunge. And in that moment, between falling and flying, we realize more about ourselves than we ever could in either state. We realize that what we have within us can be accessed no matter what. It's just our job find it.

A Bird's Freedom

People tell me I need to keep my feet on the ground. But, they don't realize that I'm not meant to stay on the ground. I am meant to fly and born to fly. Chain me down, break my wings, I don't care. I will find a way to fly.
I was born a wild angel, a fallen being, but with the possibility for exaltation as sure as the fire of my wings. No more will I be told what is possible for me and what's not. I refuse to be put in a cage, unless it is one of my own making. My decisions are my own and while I may get advice, I may not always act on it. My instincts need to be honed so that I may rely on them and them alone. If you shackle them now, then you are shackling me in the future. Let me do as I will.

Insignificance

It's humbling. Thinking about it. In the grand scheme of things, what are we individually? Tiny. Unimportant. Insignificant. If we die, the world doesn't notice. It's only when we live that the world can notice. But the likelihood of that is so slim that it is near to nothing.
The universe is huge. We as humans are, on average, between 5'6 and 6'. What makes us think that we have any authority to change things just to suit ourselves better? We have no right to do this. We are arrogant, selfish beings that don't stop just at hurting ourselves. We have to hurt everything else and say it's for the good of mankind. Then, when someone cares enough to realize that what we're doing is wrong, humans basically say "Mah bad."
Instead of dreaming of a world where humans rule, we should be dreaming of a world where we co-rule with every other species on our planet and any others. Or even better, where we deliberately place ourselves below them. And everything we do is to help them.

Unbroken

I must remain strong. Through all the sweat and tears, the blood and scars, I will remain upright and unbroken. My spirit will make it through life and though my heart will break and my mind may falter, my soul will remain untouched by the hurricane that is my surroundings. I will not break. I will not hesitate.

My world is pulling me faster and faster as the pace of life increases. All I can do to keep from spinning out of control is dig in my heels and be dragged unwillingly. For as long as I can, I will fight the current. I will. I must.
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I always will.