You are mine. You always have been. And I was meant to be yours. It's just taken me years to realize it. And now, when I have realized this, you're leaving. I probably will never see you again. And I can't stop you.
That is my own fault. I take full responsibility for my actions. I always have. And you and I are in this for the long haul, buddy. Trust me. Smile and nod.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
My Farewell
You have no idea what I go through, watching you destroy your life. You say it's my fault. That I let you down. Well, news for you, I've stuck with you. I've bloody defended you and you have the nerve to say that? When I'm trying to keep you from ruining what little bit of a life you have left?
That's real gratitude right there, ladies and gentlemen. And believe me. I intend on returning it.
Because, sure, I wasn't always the nicest. But I never shunned you from my life, like so many other people did! You gave me reason, time and time again, to abandon you, but I never did. I never did, because I believed in you! Well, congratulations. I'm cured. I'm really cured. If you're going to treat me the way you do, without understanding how hard it is to stay positive when you're doing the things you're doing, you don't deserve me in your life. Because I won't shy away from telling you what you're doing wrong. Because I know in my heart and in my head that what you are doing is wrong, so so wrong.
We stare from across a line, you and I, on seperate sides, each wanting the other to join the other on their side. I can't do that and maintain my self-worth and dignity. And you won't because you're scared and hurt and angry. Of what, I don't know. But what I do know is that you are so much stronger than this. I promise you.
That's real gratitude right there, ladies and gentlemen. And believe me. I intend on returning it.
Because, sure, I wasn't always the nicest. But I never shunned you from my life, like so many other people did! You gave me reason, time and time again, to abandon you, but I never did. I never did, because I believed in you! Well, congratulations. I'm cured. I'm really cured. If you're going to treat me the way you do, without understanding how hard it is to stay positive when you're doing the things you're doing, you don't deserve me in your life. Because I won't shy away from telling you what you're doing wrong. Because I know in my heart and in my head that what you are doing is wrong, so so wrong.
We stare from across a line, you and I, on seperate sides, each wanting the other to join the other on their side. I can't do that and maintain my self-worth and dignity. And you won't because you're scared and hurt and angry. Of what, I don't know. But what I do know is that you are so much stronger than this. I promise you.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Uncertainty
...I think I made a mistake...
Did I?
You'll never see this, so what do I care?
Everything.
Nothing.
I don't know.
Right now, I don't know what my reasons were. I just know they weren't the right ones. Can you blame me though? Let me answer my own question.
Yes.
Something...just does not feel right about it...I can't put my finger on it...
Normally, I can pride myself on making good decisions, and if I make a mistake, to correct that mistake and move on. This time, I'd be hurting other people, besides myself if I do this, this that my heart tells me to do. Am I just rationalizing my fears? Perhaps. Yet, when I sit here and think about the decision I made, my heart tells me it was wrong. I rely on my instincts. I always have.
Sitting here, thinking back over the happenings of today, I realize that I made the wrong decision. And now I have to fix it. Just...not now. I will wait to make sure.
Did I?
You'll never see this, so what do I care?
Everything.
Nothing.
I don't know.
Right now, I don't know what my reasons were. I just know they weren't the right ones. Can you blame me though? Let me answer my own question.
Yes.
Something...just does not feel right about it...I can't put my finger on it...
Normally, I can pride myself on making good decisions, and if I make a mistake, to correct that mistake and move on. This time, I'd be hurting other people, besides myself if I do this, this that my heart tells me to do. Am I just rationalizing my fears? Perhaps. Yet, when I sit here and think about the decision I made, my heart tells me it was wrong. I rely on my instincts. I always have.
Sitting here, thinking back over the happenings of today, I realize that I made the wrong decision. And now I have to fix it. Just...not now. I will wait to make sure.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Bone-Shaking Grief
I have lived in my safe little world long enough. It's time for me to shake the gossamer of childhood from my eyes and use whatever influence I possess to keep those I care about from completely ruining their lives. No one will ever know how much I would love to keep them from experiencing heartache, sadness, sickness. But that is not in my power. Do you realize what it does to me, to see you screw your life up? I didn't think so.
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