Another death in the family in less than six months. This one, unlike the other, was unexpected and the police is treating it as a suspicious death. So we won't know anything for a while. I'm...I'm not good at expressing grief. So, there you have it. That'll be pretty much that until the funeral, whenever that happens.
Ummm, yeah. Oh, so you know how Series 8 of Doctor Who is happening in less than two weeks. Or you possibly don't That's a thing that's happening that I'm very excited for and because of it, I've been watching a lot of interviews and stuff with the actors. There's just something about interacting with people, complete strangers, who enjoy your work. I don't feel the same fascination with athletes or politicians. Politicians because I don't believe what comes out of their mouths and athletes because... I don't know. I was going to pursue a career in tennis, you know. But I decided to put my focus on school instead and I'm glad I did because I'm getting to go to the school of my dreams. Is it wrong of me to want to be in a position where I'll have people know my name, even if I don't know them? If I ever become well-known, and I do hope I do, I want to be one of the actors that is constantly interacting with fans and people. I don't want to be one of those that you only ever see on screen and is a hermit otherwise. I don't want to be one of those people that you see just going to work and then hiding at home anyway. As introverted as part of me is, I want to interact with people, random people. I'll never say that I'm not proud with a bit of a vain little peacock, just enough to enjoy the spotlight sometimes, but not enough to be a drama queen. Tennis matches, I thrive under the attention, even when it's negative. I have no problems with public speaking. When I was on stage with Barry Manilow performing in his show with part of my choir, the added challenge of having that large of an audience just made me enjoy myself more.
But I don't like receiving recognition for what I do. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm a big fan of working on it, performing (whether it be in sports, music, or whatever) and then finding a new project. If I get recognition, I want it done quietly with minimal fuss. No big fanfare unless you want me embarrassed and clammed up emotionally. I get nervous and defensive when I get scolded, reprimanded or critiqued in front of others. I'll do my absolute best to try to fix whatever was wrong (unless you go about it the wrong way, which is pretty difficult), but privately and then I'll show the new/refined skill once I've got it down well enough to have a touch of adrenaline to keep me on my toes. I don't like making mistakes, which is why I have a tendency to put exorbitant amounts of time into something until I've got it at a level where I don't make mistakes often. But that practicing will be alone or with very few people.
So I get to straddle the world between introvert and extrovert, living in the grey area when I would much prefer to be on one side or the other even though I exist easily in both.
Actually, I think I'm going to be done now. I don't want this post to just become a verbal vomit of...I'm not even sure. I think I just needed to get this off my chest. And I just ranted extensively about X-Men: Days of Future Past at one of my friends. I don't think most people realize how strongly I feel about movies and TV shows. They're my only true obsession, books come a close second because I like seeing to imagine. I can do it almost as easily with literature but...
Wow, no seriously. I'm going to stop.
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