Passion and Love

There are people in the world who want the type of love that is like an old friend, comfortable and familiar, warm and soft. It's perfectly understandable and I see many of my friends finding a love like that. And it makes me a little envious, I'm not ashamed to admit that. And in so many books, that's what the love is and it makes me smile because it's cute and sweet and what these people and characters deserve and I don't begrudge them that because that's what they want and need, even if I don't understand.
Because I never truly identified with those stories. I identify with the passionate loves, the once in a lifetime loves. The loves where loss of one is beyond devastating for the partner who has been left behind. Where instead of the warm glow of love, it's the fire and heat of emotion without name which is to love what grief is to sadness. I want to be scorched by the flames of eternal passion, to have the scars from that heat seared into my bared soul, to have my entire being purified and tempered like steel out of a refiner's fire.
I understand that I may live my entire life without finding what I want and while that is one of the most depressing thoughts of my life, I need someone whose passion for life rivals my own because I don't want to burn my partner up in the heat of my emotions. When I feel an emotion, it is an all-consuming arrow straight to the center of my being. Grief, most frequently felt for fictional characters and animals, tears my heart apart and I don't recover. I cover it and bury it but the scars still live and are tender if pressed. It's the only thing that allows me to empathize the emotion when I should be feeling it and am not, though others are. I feel joy the same way, shining out of the depths of my soul like some ancient beacon of light.
We are all different and how we feel emotions differs too. But it is a lonely thought that I will watch friends fall in love and remain on the outside because I have not the ability to feel the tenderer side of love for people, despite the deeper valleys between in a relationship of passion. Passion is, indeed, the only word I can use to describe that emotion without name. It exists but...

"We loved with a love that was more than love." ~Edgar Allan Pow

That exemplifies what I want. And I'm willing to wait an eternity to find it.