Fall back to the keep!

I'm feeling quite raw. And technically this should go on the other one because it's about acting. But I won't.
You know you've had defenses up for an incredibly long time when you're forced to drop walls and they don't even fall very much and you still feel like you've been scoured on you inside.
Because wow. And even now I can feel my walls trying to protect me again. And I'm trying not to let them. And it's hard. I just want to throw my head under a blanket and pretend the problem doesn't exist because that's so much easier. So so much easier. Not nearly as healthy or good for acting. But it's safer and easier and it's disgusting me that I want to take the easy way out. I pride myself on not deflecting problems yet that is EXACTLY what I want to do now.
My professor was exactly right. I may not have many issues. But they are incredibly deep rooted and they also sit underneath the surface.