Tuesday, May 30, 2023

“This is why you don’t bring back fallen warriors, sooner or later they’re going to see everything they fought for’s turned to shit.”

Still nothing on the querying front for Primal Surge although I would like to say that all of our rejections so far haven't been "Wow, this sucks" and more "I don't think I'm the right one for this, but thank you." (If you don't know what I'm talking about, I forgot I was using this one for my more...writing blog and the other for the film/TV blog. Also, I'm still working on the Bride of Frankenstein screenplay. It's just slow because I've tumbled down a rabbit hole and I also didn't have my copy of Frankenstein.) (And I forgot where I was going with that, so if you don't know what I'm talking about, refer to the other blog because that one is in there.)

Jocelynn and I also stopped work on Shards of Entropy, the second book because we're waiting on the first. (I think you'll all be pleased about that one because it is trauma and a half).

Speaking of trauma, boy do I have a manuscript for y'all. So, it started out borrowing the holy trees idea from Lord of the Rings and then the warlock class from D&D. So there'd be like this competition to get the magic to defend the trees. The main character at the time was going to be secretly chosen already, breaking protocol and whatnot. Chaos. Problems.

That has changed.

Also, I lost the original notebook I'd been writing in and spent a couple of months depressed over this and unable to actually write because I couldn't restart it. Eventually I could and now I'm happily plugging along, especially since it's gotten a healthy injection of Cyberpunk 2077. Hyperfixations are a blessing sometimes. I've got the possible plotlines (for now) written on sticky notes and I've got quotes written up to remind me of where I'm going. Next stop: Trauma City. I'm not kidding about that. I chose the parts of Cyberpunk 2077 that absolutely gut me every time I think about them to graft into the LotR groundwork. And then I took an idea I heard at LTUE ("Why is it always the unknowable evil that gets sealed away? Why can't it be the unknowable good?") and shoved that in as well.

Is it connected to Primal Surge? Quite possibly. (Read as: 100% connected). I wasn't expecting it to be connected like it is but that's fine. I did get to finally put my D&D character in it. She may have lost her head. It's fine. 

I'm going straight for the gut punches, you guys. And the bits I've been sharing with people, as hideous and unrefined as they are, seem to be being met with tentatively good responses. Also a lot of "OW!" Which is good! That's my goal. Cyberpunk 2077 tore my heart out and I just need to share the love. And also fix that ending because rude. Me sobbing at 2 in the morning was not conducive to literally anything other than fill me with fire and rage and pain.

Ideally this book is a standalone. I don't want it to be more than that.

I'm worried it will be longer than I want it to be. I know I shouldn't worry about the length at this stage of the writing process but I can't help but keep the numbers tumbling around in the back of my head. Alas, poor Yorick.

But, it's fine! The writing is going really well! I figured out where to put the Jasem chapter that has been the first chapter written in both notebooks. First written. Not the first read. And now that it's a single POV for the most part, because I am going to play around with that because if I've learned anything from reading Faulkner it's that you can do anything if you're confident enough and if you lay the groundwork. And my goal is to cause my reader pain so that I can fix it.

And I will. I know how this ends. I've already written it. Well, the last page or so. But that doesn't matter because I know where this is going and I have Cyberpunk 2077 and my original plans as bullet points for me and my wacky discovery writing. But this thing ends soft and gooey and hopeful.

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Not Sure Why Blogger Wants Me To Title This 22

...Hey, guys. Whoops.
Let me break the ice again with some random trivia. Did you know that there's a place in Nevada that has the second largest nuclear storage facility in the US? Fairly close to Vegas. Which means that I've been around nuclear stuff my entire life. Awesome. And I don't feel super concerned about revealing that where anyone in any country can see it because I just googled stuff and found the information. Although, if anyone at the NSA is worried and just happens to be keeping an eye on this blog, I think it would be awesome to have a secret government job. Just saying.

In a creative writing class and I have to keep a writing journal. Also, I think I'm wanting to start up with a Fallout fanfiction trilogy like my Dragon Age one (which is going fairly well now that I've started back up with it, thank you for asking) but I haven't figured out where I want to go with it. I have a general idea (Lone Wanderer is so going to meet the Sole Survivor and I'm pretty sure I want to add the Courier in as well) and I have names for the three of them (something in my heart is glad that I'm naming them after freaking fabulous women). Boudica, Catherine, and Grace. Named for Boudica, the "British" queen who took on the Romans after they killed her husband, Catherine the Great, Empress of Russia, and Grace O'Malley, Irish pirate queen who refused to bow to Queen Elizabeth I. I'm just sort of mulling around with what sort of person my Lone Wanderer (Boudica, AKA B to most of the Capital Wasteland) is. She's speaking to me as she feels like it. Although I started in on my Sole Survivor and I already kind of love her. Boudica is a little more hesitant about speaking to me and I'm pretty sure it's because of her name. I'm half tempted to name her Catherine and the Courier Boudica but LW's mother's name is Catherine. So I'm thinking about that. But I'm not yet ready in terms of character development to do that.

Tasha is on a roll right now. And even Miya is starting to make comments again, mostly about how much she dislikes Tasha. Which I would find hilarious if it didn't give me headaches. But I've run into a new version of it that I want to play with for a little bit. But I haven't gotten there yet. That version isn't quite ready and I'm pretty sure that that's the reason why Miya is being cranky with Tasha.

And yes, I am well aware that they are fictional. But since they hang out in my head, when arguments start up, it happens in my head. Which gives me a headache.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Fanfics...

So...Long time, no write. Well, that's not entirely true. I have been writing. Mostly because I feel like I'm going to spontaneously combust if I don't get feelings out in some way. You know? But because I don't want to work on Miya's or Lenne's or Cassandra's stories (mostly because I'm not sure I'm not going to have to restart them. All three. Again. Ugh.), I've been doing some fanfic writing. Dragon Age. Since I highly doubt that anyone on here even reading this (though you're welcome to once I get them up online) will read them, I just kinda want to get plans out and mull over what I want and my characters and why I'm making the choices I am with them. It's how things like this work for me. Just need to get thoughts in order without putting them actually in an outline since I completely and utterly despise outlines.
So. Sister of Blood. It's the one concerning the events of Dragon Age: Origins. Protagonist is a human mage by the name of Tasha Amell. She has black hair, grey eyes, and favors ice and lightning for primal magic (mostly because she can't work with fire to save anyone's life), entropy magic (once she "learns" them because I highly doubt that that kind of magic would be around in the Circle), and shielding. She has a fierce dislike for what the Circle represents (mainly the hypocrisy of the Chantry (which may be the result of my own personal feelings toward it...)) and tends to sort of erupt around injustice of any sort whether it be around mages or elves or (eventually when I get around to it) the casteless dwarves in Orzammar. She's an empath and hates it. She's not the most sensitive person (outwardly, anyway) and a good way to describe her is angry. Very, very angry. She's angry at the Chantry for taking her from her family and locking her in the tower. She's angry at the treatment of elves. She's angry that she'll never be trusted just because of her magic. She's angry at the mages who turn to blood magic because they're the ones who screwed up everyone's lives and freedom. So, yeah. Angry is a good way to describe her. But she's fiercely loyal, though what she's loyal to isn't always what normal people would loyal to. Stubborn to a fault. She tends to wander off into her own little world and doesn't really pay attention to what other people are talking about. But she's clever and observant when she's paying attention and knows how to make connections. She's got a bit of a mouth on her but she's also just as likely to apologize afterward. And underneath all the prickles and thorns, she's caring when she thinks no one is looking and she thinks she won't get a reward for it. She wants people to be the best that they can be, to be respected, since she knows that most people will only fear her because of her magic. She wins people over because she's charismatic and charming, but also perfectly comfortably with getting down and dirty to do what needs to be done. I also have another Warden (other than Alistair). Dalish rogue by the name of Medb Mahariel. She doesn't trust humans and is not afraid of lashing out if she feels that she is being disrespected because she is an elf.  She has red hair, green eyes, and you can't find a better archer by casually searching. Medb is awesome. Her rules of loyalty are a lot more black and white than Tasha's. Any injustice or prejudice against elves (though she's more hesitant with city elves until she realizes that to most humans, she's just like them and then she becomes their personal guardian) leaves her bristling at the least. She's also super closed though. Like Tasha can be but for the most part, she presents a face that people don't realize is a mask. Medb is quiet and surly around people she doesn't know, doesn't trust, and grumpy around people she doesn't like, keeping them pretty much pushed away. She loves children though, human, elf, dwarf, she doesn't care. She loves them without actually needing to know them and wants to help them in anyway she can. Medb's fiercely Dalish but she also knows that her people probably got things wrong. Word of mouth is not a good way for truth to be passed down through generations and since they don't have much by way of written language, she assumes that they got some things wrong but for the most part she figures they're right. So that's one thing she likes about city elves, the general reverence and fear of the Dalish elves. She bears the vallaslin of Dirthamen. And I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen. I mean, I know what's going to happen. But the details are a little...absent...at the moment. I do anticipate torture in Haven, dream travelling, near death by Ogres (and werewolves), one of the ladies being dragged through the Deep Roads, and a use of fire by Tasha (gasp). Plus emotional outbursts and bonding between our two Wardens. Pairings are Amell/Alistair and Mahariel/Zev.
I'm not sure what DA:A (and the other expansions...) will be called. But I also know that Tasha is going to freak out when she finds out that mages are allowed to go into the basement in the Tower, not to mention being in the Tower again in Witch Hunt. And just imagine the horror the pair of them will feel when they have to go back into the Deep Roads for Golems of Amgarrak. Holy motherless goat. Of course, I hate playing that one myself. Like intense fear. And for Tasha, who is sensitive to horrors of the past and emotions, and Medb, who really, really, really doesn't like enclosed spaces (and the Deep Roads simply because ew and darkspawn), it's going to be painful to torture them. For them and me. Ugh. I'd rather deal with the Mother twice over than deal with...the thing in Amgarrak. I can't even imagine what Tasha's reaction is going to be. Poor baby.
Next is Sister of Magic. Meet Adralla Hawke, bigger and bolder than life. Cousin of the Hero of Fereldan, though she doesn't know it at first, the mage pulls attention toward her with very little effort. In fact, it's a bit funny how well and easily she does it, even when she's supposed to be avoiding Templars... She's got black hair, grey eyes, and about fifteen times more fire than her cousin. Mostly because she can actually use fire magic, and some ice. But she has no interest in lightning because for her, it's too uncertain whether or not she'll have the necessary energy in the air to manipulate it. She'll learn healing from Anders (since Bethany was the one who was the one with the initial interest and she feels guilty about it because she figures if she'd been able to heal her, the thing that happens with Bethany wouldn't have happened) and she manipulates her pull. But otherwise, she just wants to enjoy life. She doesn't want to be embroiled in the politics of Kirkwall. She won't withhold any help she can give, simply because she wants people to be happy. She's just as fiercely loyal as her cousin with a deeper bond to family, which is the most important thing to her. Her sister, Felina, also has black hair and grey eyes like her twin sister and cousin. She lives in the world of a rogue, blending in with shadows and striking from them as her sister draws attention. She is quiet, but comforting, much like their younger sister, but unlike Bethany (and Adralla, to some extent), she is aware of the world. No matter who she's with, she gives a sense of home. Felina is bright, charming, but hesitant to trust and frequently lets her sister takes the spotlight. She's more involved politically, recognizing that one cannot stay neutral as the political situation worsens. Pairings are Adralla/Anders and Felina/Fenris. And yes, I know. I fully anticipate Adralla to seriously tease her sister over that.
DA:I is Sister of Fate. And I haven't decided anything yet concerning them. I know that there will be at least one elf. And she's very hands on and incredibly not tactful. And I'm starting to sort through personality of the second one. 
So yeah. There we go. This was spawned from Dragon Age 2 where the game didn't have the Warden show up and then I found out that human mage origin is related to DA2 protagonist are related. When I get the first chapter or so maybe put up online, I'll post a link in here.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Trust bows to no one yet it is a servant to all

I've been rather neglectful lately and I do apologize. Really. Sorry. I've just been ill and then I had a family crisis and then I got sick again (gotta love stress, NOT!!!) and then I had a huge fight with one of my friends that flattened me out emotionally yet again and I'm still not quite recovered from that. Plus, I've started writing again, which has been causing me to neglect everything else that I have been struggling to not neglect because of all the crap that has been happening.

Trust is like a spiderweb, delicate but impossibly strong. No, seriously. If we could figure out how to make fabric that was as light as spiderweb strands and as strong, humans would have some major advancements in life. Cannot wait for that day. Anyway, based on that, I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. As long as it is maintained, trust is a very solid, reliable thing. But when trust is broken, suddenly it feels as insubstantial and fragile as a thread of gossamer. But here's the thing. Even when people are not in a safe place and they should not be trusted at that moment, there should still be a level of trust for them to act like a decent human being. Trust broken is so painful, I think, because deep down, we wanted that person to be better than humanity has a reputation for. And when that hope fails, it feels like something inside of us just wants to wither away and die.
We shouldn't let it. Trust is a beautiful wonderful thing. Not everyone is going to try to hurt you like possibly has been done in the past. It's okay to freefall into trust. It's okay to give trust conditionally. It's okay to be hurt.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Fall back to the keep!

I'm feeling quite raw. And technically this should go on the other one because it's about acting. But I won't.
You know you've had defenses up for an incredibly long time when you're forced to drop walls and they don't even fall very much and you still feel like you've been scoured on you inside.
Because wow. And even now I can feel my walls trying to protect me again. And I'm trying not to let them. And it's hard. I just want to throw my head under a blanket and pretend the problem doesn't exist because that's so much easier. So so much easier. Not nearly as healthy or good for acting. But it's safer and easier and it's disgusting me that I want to take the easy way out. I pride myself on not deflecting problems yet that is EXACTLY what I want to do now.
My professor was exactly right. I may not have many issues. But they are incredibly deep rooted and they also sit underneath the surface.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The Master Status Removal

Why can't we all just accept people for who they are and judge them on their own merits and not on things out of their control? I'm guilty of that. I know that and it hurts me to admit it. But I also know that I do try to keep an open mind most of the time. But seriously, why on earth do we think that we can simply hurt someone else?
So someone's Muslim. Who cares?
So someone's Christian. Who cares?
So someone's black. Who cares?
So someone's white. Who cares?
So someone's rich. Who cares?
So someone's poor. Who cares?
So someone's male. Who cares?
So someone's female. Who cares?
(this list is not exclusive)

Are we not all human beings? Do we not all deserve to be viewed as the person that we are? If you're an asshole, you should be judged as an asshole. If you're kind, then be judged as kind. What kind of person are they underneath all of the social labels that have been placed on them? Why should others decide their worth for them in the eyes of society?
Incidentally, I just realized that all of those can be master statuses. Huh.
Anyway, we should look past the labels of someone that have no technical difference in how someone should be treated and treat them as they are. But we should also treat them with kindness because as much as I would like for this to be the case (it would make things so much simpler), everyone no matter what actions they may take has good in them. Yes, everyone. Hitler, for example, was a doting son.
I'm not saying that we should discount all the bad a person does, but one shouldn't discount the good either. Look at or think about your neighbor. How have you treated him or her recently? Did you jump to any conclusions about them? Could you have showed more love? I'm not saying the world is all sunshine and daises because, well, right now it's kind of overcast and snowing a bit. But even just that little bit of effort into trying to understand someone else, to dropping your own walls, and treating them like a human being who deserves love, can make the world a cheerier place.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?

Now matter how many times I watch it, when the Lord of the Rings music begins to play at the beginning of An Unexpected Journey, "it makes me want to cry".
Lord of the Rings is, to me, what Star Wars is to most people. My childhood can be summed up with Scooby Doo, Lord of the Rings, and Jurassic Park and reading more than should be humanly possibly along with the freedom to do as I pleased (which was basically watch those three and read and play with our animals). I fell in love with the world of Middle Earth, with the elves and the dwarves and the bad guys that got what they deserved. Fellowship of the Ring is one of my favorite movies and has been for nearly as long as Jurassic Park has been my favorite movie. Jurassic Park has been my favorite movie since I was four which should tell you how long I've been in love with these worlds and ideas. But that should also tell you how much I love Lord of the Rings. Those movies aren't short. They're frankly ridiculously long and I loved them enough to focus all the way through the extended edition of Fellowship of the Ring and even Two Towers. I've been watching them nearly as long as I can remember, and remember I was like six when Fellowship came out and I don't even remember watching it the first time. But it captivated me and I squirreled it away into my room until I had the first disk of the extended edition nearly memorized. (It remains my favorite disk of the now six (or ten if we count the first two Hobbit movies) in the extended editions. When other kids my age were watching cartoons and stuff, not that I didn't watch my fair share of Tom and Jerry and other various cartoons, I was off on the quest with Frodo or running from t-rexes with Dr. Grant or sailing with Captain Jack or running from the Mummy with Rick O'Connell. Those were my worlds and they inspired a love of the fantastic and epic, but also of finding joy in what moments one can.
Don't get me wrong, I like Star Wars. But there is something beautiful about the world of Middle Earth that I fell in love with long before I read the books. Sword fights and magic and epic quests to save the world from the evil ruler. How could I resist?
But to bring me back to my original point, about the music, I have such strong emotional attachments to the music that Howard Shore composed that hearing even a bar of it brings me back. The music is part of that world as much as the fighting and the journeying and the Ring are. And that world is part of my childhood and something that I love fiercely to this day.
I love the Hobbit movies despite their shortcomings because they brought me back home. And I am so incredibly grateful for being old enough to be grateful for the opportunity to watch  I've had to watch something new that helped shape my childhood. I know I'll feel the same way when Jurassic World comes out (cried when I saw the trailer and every time since that I've seen it I've either cried or seriously teared up). I'm cautious right now but I will love it because it too comes from a world that helped to shape my childhood and my career choices (see that one post on one of my two blogs about why Jurassic Park means so much to me).
I'm so grateful for Peter Jackson for bringing us back to Middle Earth (even if he got a few things wrong or added certain details). He and the cast and crew will never know how grateful I am. I am grateful for being able to go home again.
I would love most dearly to be able to be part of a Jurassic Park movie or something about Middle Earth. Considering the Silmarillion is still a possibility and Jurassic Park is coming back, I may yet have my wish granted but I also understand the level of work I'm going to have to do if I want to succeed in that.
The reason for the sappiness right now is I'm going to go see Battle of the Five Armies again tomorrow (technically today) and I felt like expressing emotions because I'm going to be swarmed with them tomorrow (technically today).
I don't know what my parents were thinking, letting me watch such violent, beautiful shows at such an impressionable age, but I'm grateful that they did. I'm also grateful because I got to share Lord of the Rings with my best friend and even more grateful that she also loves them too. Some people started watching horror movies at a young age. I like horror. But action, adventure, and science fiction and fantasy will always be more beautiful for me.
Maybe I should do a post on my favorite movies growing up.
Anyway, here's some Lord of the Rings or Hobbit stuff. Mostly Youtube videos. And as soon as I find the video I want and can't find, I will be adding that one.

BotFA trailer that came out the day after my birthday
BotFA trailer that came out exactly a week after my birthday
BotFA that makes me want to cry
Lord of the Rings in 99 Seconds (Yes, I know all the words...)
AUJ Announcement Trailer
RotK trailer
TT trailer
Lord of the Rings and Frozen. Literally not sure what to make of it.
An Unexpected Parody