Standing Outside The Fire

I don't want to get married yet. And I feel almost guilty for that. As a Mormon, and especially as a female one, there's this sense of responsibility to get married and have a family. And I used to want that because I couldn't see anything bigger. And even though I could have no greater responsibility than to have a family, I want to live some sort of life before that happens. I haven't done anything and I want to do something before I'm tied down to a husband, especially since I'm planning on hightailing it to London after graduation from college. That would just make things too complicated and I don't want to stay here. I don't want to deal with that. I'm just... I'm being emotionally driven to London and I'm not sure why. But I know that I will be put where I need to be and I will be given opportunities to exceed my expectations and those of my family. I've been so practical my entire life. I've taken no risks and that's why I feel so boring. No risk, no gain. So what have I gained in my eighteen years of life? Nothing but this vague sense of disappointment. Well, you know what? I'm living in Vegas and there is nothing that Vegas likes better than high risk. Time to embrace that part of this city.
There's a song by Garth Brooks that I've always connected with. It's calling Standing Outside The Fire. That's what I've been doing. "Life is not tried, it's just merely survived if you're standing outside the fire." I've been surviving life and now it's time to do the scariest thing I can think of: open up and embrace it. Live it. Make mistakes. I won't be perfect. I can't be. But I can't live life on the safe side. It turns me into someone that I don't like. I shut down emotionally and I can't be human doing that.
I'm human. I am human. With all of my humany wumany emotions and mistakes. "I can't abide standing outside the fire."